Posted in Books Read

Little Bee by Chris Cleave 

“…I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.” Page 9

I found some books at an estate sale, 5 to be exact, and all I paid was .75 cents TOTAL. Little Bee by Chris Cleave was one of these books. Just within the first few pages I was hooked as the above quote set well with me. The rest of this story is just as beautiful. 

There were events discussed that were hard to read for a super empathetic person like myself, but I understand there is more to this book than the story. Events like these, even if this story is not based on true events, really happen in real life. I urge you to read this if you do not understand illegal immigration, or even immigration in general. I don’t mean the definition of it, I mean the refugees behind it. This will tug at your heartstrings, but it is such a captivating story. I could have easily read it in one day (I read more than half in the first day), but when you have little ones running around reading half is a feat in itself! I did however finish it the very next day! It is hard to put down once you pick it up! 

I wish I could share this book to everyone I meet! Instead, I will share it here, and recommend you read it! ❤️

Posted in Free Writing

No one cares about you until they’re at your death ceremony. 

Warning, very personal post.

On my way home from work yesterday, depression struck again. Before you start, yes, I am on medication. Clearly it does not always help. Depression medication is more of an aid, in my opinion. It’s a little push to get you through. Either mine hasn’t been pushing at all, or depression decided to kung fu kick it’s ass back down. Suddenly, I feel just how empty the void is inside of me is that I try so desperately to fill throughout my time awake. Writing, blogging, reading, journaling, dancing, music, meditation, yoga, eating better, going out of my comfort zone and trying new things, yada yada yada nothing is a cure. I am trying to find ways to help myself, because it really seems like no one can actually help me. What happens when you feel like you can no longer help yourself though?

I am always the person who is goofy and finds a way to turn life into humor. I’m the funny one. (Not to everyone, just the people who tolerate me.) However, when someone is down or having a hard time, I am there. I understand. I do my best to try to help in any way that person needs me. I have talked people out of committing suicide. I have dropped my plans to jump in to help someone else’s. I figure anyone would do that, right? Sadly, I am wrong. Where is ‘anyone’ when I need them? Now, again, before you say “well maybe you’re being subtle, people can’t read minds!” You are correct, they cannot, which is why I am straightforward and to the point. “I’m really not in my right mind mentally…”, “I really just cannot seem to get out of this feeling…”, “I really wish I could just end it all, but I have my children to take care of and think about, that would be selfish…” You know what I get? NO RESPONSE. IGNORED. When shit gets real, no one wants to face the music for someone who has been there when they turned theirs up!

Some may say “well, just stop being there for them…”, or “don’t associate with those people…” I’m too much of a caring person to just stop. It takes a lot. But lately, I am so drained I don’t know what I am going to do. Especially since it seems no one truly cares enough…

Posted in Free Writing, Uncategorized

Life Cycle

If a picture is worth a thousand words, why do we even bother talkin’
We scream profanities in each others’ face just cause we’re always arguin’
Why do we have to be the same just to get along?
Why do we all have hate just ’cause we all got somethin’ different goin’ on
You see we all live under the same sky, sharin’ the same atmosphere
We all may be a little different, but we all deserve to be here
So next time you see someone’s pain hidin’ behind their eyes
Tell ’em keep their head up, there’s more to life than what meets the eye

Posted in Free Writing

All These Thoughts

If you write something on a blank wall, and then paint over it, the writing will still remain somewhere underneath. Would you say we are painting over our old selfs as each year passes? On each birthday we get a new layer of paint, covering up our past self. They always remain as memories still somewhere under all the newer layers. Whenever these memories surface, it’s mostly in dreams. When we sleep, all these layers haunt our heads, good and bad. What if currently we are not actually real. We are just a thought in someone’s mind, or a dream they are seeing. When we finally die, they wake up. But what would be the point of that? Or really, what is the point of life? We live just to find the answers to these questions. By the time we find out, our time has expired. But where do our souls go? That is the only question that can never be answered here on Earth.

Posted in Books Read

All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg

This is a book that I will reread in the future. Books that I feel can have a different meaning to you at different points in your life are the books I say I will reread again. It was very enjoyable, and gives you a perspective of a non-traditional lifestyle. I related to this a lot, even though I am in a serious relationship and have children. It taught me that you shouldn’t care what outsiders think, just do your thing and life will happen to you as it always was supposed to happen. We all have different fates, different paths, different stories, and that is perfectly fine. There isn’t a handbook for life.

OK NOT BOOK REVIEW RELATED BUT:

I realized I don’t really have the patience for this book review thing. I’m currently still learning chakra healing (I’m working on my sacral plexus chakra now!) I have also done a beginners course in yoga, and decided to continue! I’m not very flexible, but I am hoping in time that changes some if I keep it up. I also have created a bullet journal and I love love love it! I believe it will be my new obsession. My problem is though, as maybe anyone who may be following me (doubt it but whatevs) has noticed: I tend to pick up things and put them down within a few weeks. I’m manic depressive and bipolar, plus a dash of other things, and yes, I am medicated, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have strange habits sometimes. I also have ADHD which is why this blog will be all over the place most likely…..oh and look at this! It started as a review and ended as this…interesting, but not really.

Posted in Uncategorized

Gratitude 

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
People always post about how they are ‘so thankful’, ‘so grateful’, ‘so blessed’, etc., but are they really? Or are we just saying it and not mentally checking within and spending the time to truly BE THANKFUL for what we have in our life? 

I am going to get a little personal. I had a breakdown this morning. Luckily my kids were not around to witness it. I just broke down and sobbed on my floor. I tried to figure out why I am feeling this way. I sat down and did some reflecting. I also did some meditating on my new Headspace App I mentioned in my previous post. Today’s session was about stop trying to push things into happening, just stop trying and it will happen. There were examples like – if you are trying too hard to fall asleep and trying to get comfortable you cannot, but at some point you drift away when you are not thinking about it. 

I then was flashed back to a time a few months ago when the word “Gratitude” was staring me in the face quite often. I would see it in an e-mail, I would see it on a social media post, but I never stopped to think it meant anything to me. Today I dug more into the word Gratitude and what it means. It made me realize that I need to practice this more. I always try to focus on the next “best thing”. I need to stop and live in the moment, and enjoy what I have. Just live and BE. 

I felt pulled to share this with you this morning. I hope you have a great day!

Posted in Uncategorized

The Arrangement by Sarah Dunn

I really did enjoy reading this book. However, there were a few things that bothered me about it:

  1. I feel like there were new characters still being introduced too late in the story. I know at least one was introduced more than halfway in. I felt it didn’t give much time to further explain these characters or their stories. An example of these characters I am talking of are Dirk, Susan Howard and Rowan.
  2. The only quotes on this topic were from Constance Waverly. While I loved them, I feel there has to be more people who have commented on this topic. Maybe there should have been a better variety of quotes?

Despite those two issues though, this book was easy to get hooked to, and had some, overall, great messages. This was not one of those stories though where you read them and felt inspired, or feel you have much to say about. It was funny and interesting, and sweet. But that was about it. In my opinion when I read about it and decided to read it, it was lead on to be deeper than it actually ended up being.

I do not regret reading this story, but for me, there was nothing gained from it. 

Feel free to reach out if you’d like to discuss more in-depth!